[Well, "Somehow there's a crossbow grafted to my back," might be a good place to start...]

Varric, please, at this point I trust you to sell any ending, including a cheap one, as nothing less than literary genius.

Although if my ending is going to be erotic, I'd definitely prefer it to be some kind of orgasm-induced heart attack. Drawn-out lead-up, satisfying finish, a huge mess, and a quick lights-out once the whole thing's over. Let someone else clean up for once.

Feel free to take notes. You don't even have to credit me.