tdm 14

[hohnkai]

T E S T D R I V E

Survival is the exception "living is an act of courage." THROUGH THE INGRESS The Ingress has pulled you in. Your body experiences several sensations at once: being pushed forward as if a hand is resting on your back, momentary and startling blindness, a gentle ringing in your head. You have difficulty discerning whether it is hot or cold, but where you have been prodded is noticeably warmer than the rest of you. Some may suffer from dizziness while others are perfectly fine. Once equilibrium has been reestablished, you will notice you are standing on a rocky planet. Former crew of the Moira are there to greet you, and it’s a grim message they have to share. The Moira has crashed and is beyond repair, but there’s good news... the destination the crew has been heading towards for over a year? You’re standing on it. But before you get into exploration and survival, it’s best to deal with the effects of coming through a broken Ingress. ☄ slip and trip find your footing fast Coming through the Ingress has left your character with one of three changes - an age slip, a form of body horror, or an extreme weakness. The first, the age slip, will mean that the character is either older or younger and this change can’t be rectified during their first month in game. The second, body horror, comes in the form of an alteration to the character's body due to whatever they were carrying at the time they came through. If they were wearing a watch, it’s now fused to their wrist, clothes are permanent, knifes replace fingers, and many other alterations (anything goes) and it lasts the first month as well. The third, extreme weakness, can be a mental or physical decrease - weaker arms, legs, or the weaker ability to talk or do math. ooc: the choice of change is up to each player and this prompt can be game canon. ☄ introductions aren’t awkward as long as you don’t shake their hand too long A new planet. Physical and mental changes. Talk of a ship that crashed and a Hub that is home to the ‘creators’ of a technology you’ve never heard of. A lot is happening and the best way to sort through it is by getting to know the Moira’s crew. They’ll help you settle in and get you any care you might need, all the while informing you that the group is on its way to the center of the hub. Something that might seem mundane is an absolute necessity for survival. Ask a seasoned space traveling veteran for answers and guidance. ooc: this prompt can be game canon. ☄ dealer's choice just make the right one Characters have the option of coming through an Ingress that is any possible location on this planet. It can be inside a cave, at the top of a rock formation, etc. This means you can have your character have to climb or slide down, have them yelling for help, and have other characters see them and come to their aid. Your character's arrival is completely up to you, and since this is a unique situation that hasn't happened before, go nuts with it! ooc: this prompt can be game canon. OUT OF CHARACTER INFO FAQ | LOCATIONS | RESERVES | APPLICATIONS | NAVIGATION For mature or graphic content, please label. For questions, please direct them to the FAQ. As always, be kind and have fun!

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[nightmarist]

[Adam can abuse him as much as he likes. Ronan won't be deterred. He kisses Adam fiercely, reckless and foolish as he pleases. Adam should have known what he was getting into when he allowed himself to be loved by Ronan Lynch. He would walk straight into Hell if it meant being with Adam.

When the kiss breaks, he presses his forehead to Adam's and takes a breath to steel himself before speaking:]

Listen to me: It won't be your fault. I know it won't be, because it already has me.

[It can kill him fast or it can kill him slow, but the inevitability of it means that Adam shouldn't feel responsible. There's really nothing either of them can do if it happens.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam closes his eyes as their foreheads press together and that feels just as intimate as the hungry kisses that had come before. His fingers stroke over the other's cheek, his jaw, avoiding his neck even though that before had been a place he liked to touch. He's too scared to touch it now. His hand drops instead to rest on his chest as he takes in those words.]

How do you still believe in a God that would let something like that happen to someone like you?

[Adam doesn't think that Ronan even knows the worst of God's betrayal.]

[nightmarist]

Why should God protect a thing like me?

[After all, he's not God's creation. It was Niall Lynch who should have stayed alive to protect Ronan, who should have at least taught Ronan how to survive.]

It's always been up to me. Either I'll be strong enough or I won't.

[unaffluent]

[Annoyance surges through Adam at that answer. He pulls away from Ronan and doesn't look at him directly because he'd probably feel the annoyance and anger dissipate too quickly. He drops his hands to his lap as he looks toward the front seat again.]

A thing like you? [Fuck that.]

You don't even realize how hypocritical it is do you? [How does Ronan take all the punishment of his religion and gain the supposed benefits?]

I can't tell if you or your God is the bigger hypocrite.

[nightmarist]

[Adam's angry. Ronan should have been a little less honest. Now he sighs, but he doesn't turn away from Adam, because he can't possibly take his eyes off Adam yet. It might be days before he's ready to look away.]

I don't see what's hypocritical about it.

[unaffluent]

How come you do everything you're supposed to. You pray those stupid prayers, go to church, go to confession and yet he doesn't do anything for you? He expects you to make all these sacrifices and worship him.

[He's not so much angry at Ronan as he is at Ronan's God, or his belief in God, one of the two.]

But then you don't think he should take care of you? That's bullshit.

[nightmarist]

[Ronan doesn't mean to laugh. Adam's anger isn't something to laugh at. But his lips twitch into a smile anyway, because this is such a huge misconception.]

You think I do that stuff for God?

[Shaking his head, Ronan curls around Adam, chin coming to rest on his shoulder.]

It's not some... exchange of favors, Parrish. It's not a fucking trade-off. God doesn't need to hear those prayers. I do. A priest doesn't need to hear my confession. I need to confess. Don't you get it? Worship is for the worshiper. Church is a place to go when you're lost.

[unaffluent]

[Adam lifts his shoulder because normally that laugh would change his mood but he didn't want to let his mood change -- even though Anger was an emotion he was afraid of usually it was protecting him a little just now to hold onto it.]

He's like a horrible parent. You love him and you do all these things because you need him, need it and you're supposed to but... the fucker can't be damned to take care of you. Isn't he supposed to love you or something?

[Because Adam doesn't get it. He doesn't get the devotion to the church when everything in their lives between Ronan's parents and Adam's parents even, seem proof that there is no god that gives a shit. So why do all those empty things. How can you find yourself in something that makes no sense?

He's far too logical for something that's beyond logic like Ronan's faith. Ronan's faith in him was so illogical he shouldn't have tried to qualify his faith in an even bigger being.

Adam can't imagine finding comfort in praying to someone and going some place that wouldn't actually help him. Then again he's always relied on himself instead.]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan couldn't possibly blame Adam for feeling this way. After all that he's suffered at the hands of his parents, how could he not? Hugging him closer, Ronan presses a kiss to Adam's jaw.]

Don't I love Cabeswater?

[This may be difficult for Adam to follow. Ronan will walk him through it with patience. He reaches for Adam's hands again, clasping them between his own.]

Was love enough to protect it? Adam, do you blame me?

[unaffluent]

You're not God. [Adam lifts his shoulders again but Ronan's affection is pushing the anger away and leaving him feeling raw.]

You... We're doing everything... What has God done? [Adam has sacrificed free will and Ronan... Has sacrificed so much too. It wasn't a fair comparison to some bully God that Adam definitely didn't even really believe in because if he had been real... ]

[nightmarist]

I'm not God, but Cabeswater thinks I am.

[Because the Greywaren created it. Somehow, in a way Ronan doesn't fully understand himself, and perhaps in the same way God created all of this from nothing. He caresses Adam's hands, because he hasn't forgotten how much Adam sacrificed. He will never forget. Adam has every right to be angry.]

And I'm trying, aren't I? Aren't you? We didn't fail to protect it because we didn't love it enough. If I'm even one of God's creations -

[If if if.]

- and even if He has any reason to love me at all, it's not always enough. It's just not. I couldn't protect you either, could I?

[unaffluent]

You're missing the point. [Adam sighs and the anger is seeping away from him leaving him feeling nothing but what he'd felt in the moments after almost killing Ronan, after insisting he be blindfolded. Cabeswater knew they were trying to help. Cabeswater was trying to help them too but that God wasn't trying to help Ronan, he couldn't see a hint of it so he didn't know how Ronan could keep drawing distinctions like that.]

How can you... take only part of it and apply it to yourself and not the whole thing? That makes no fucking sense, Lynch. Aren't you supposed to believe that God created everything? That means he created your Father and you... [Adam trails off, finally shrugging Ronan away from him as he presses his hands to his face and exhales a heavy breath]

Hypocritical. [He mumbles mostly to himself because he knows they're really arguing about nothing.]

He only exists to you when you want to punish yourself about something. That's not the same as us and Cabeswater.

[nightmarist]

[Adam needs something to be angry at, and God is an easy target. Ronan understands, and as it always is when someone else is angry around him, he maintains frustrating tranquility. When Adam pulls away from him, Ronan leans back and simply watches him.]

[unaffluent]

[It's annoying when Ronan won't say anything won't nudge his anger back into the forefront because all he's left with is the aching he's trying to ignore.]

You're the most frustrating person to [love. He bites down on his tongue, rubbing his face harder.] To care about.

[He shifts then, leaning back onto Ronan, pressing his face into his shoulder.]

You only remember the night of your birthday?

[An abrupt change because Adam wants to push away from the things that are making him upset but wants to stay close to Ronan.] What happened.. here? [That weird sort of nice guy had said it'd been months...]

[nightmarist]

[When Adam lands on his shoulder again, Ronan reaches up to run his fingers through Adam's hair, cradling him there. He is sorry for being a difficult person to love. He's aware of it, and it's why he told Andyr that Adam would leave him someday. Adam can have anything. Ronan sees no reason why he'd chose the most difficult thing.]

I don't even fucking know where to start. I was with you that night, then I wasn't. I woke up on a spaceship with a bunch of other people who weren't supposed to be there, and they said they'd take us home, but then the ship crashed. In between all of that, it's just been...

[Ronan huffs out a sigh and turns to press a kiss to Adam's forehead before continuing:]

My dreams wouldn't stop getting worse. There's nothing really left in there anymore. For a while, time wasn't moving right and I ended up going forward. I got stuck dying. Not dead, just... dying. For a long time. Weeks? I couldn't tell. I'm glad you weren't there to see it.

[unaffluent]

[Adam frowns as he tries to take in all the information that Ronan's giving him. He stays leaning against him, eyes closed and reaching to take his hand again and holding it tight. As angry as he could get he's so in love with this stupid boy already. Maybe he has been for longer than he knew because he really didn't know what love was supposed to feel like, how it's supposed to be different than friendship.

And with Ronan the lines had blurred in such a slow burn way that he had hardly noticed until the fire was blazing in the confusion of their sudden kisses that first time. He didn't think he could love anyone else like this, it didn't stop even when he was apart from Ronan and that's another reason he was certain he'd always come back to him.]

That... [He exhales heavily, the new information trying to process with what he knew already. He presses his face into Ronan's neck pressing a few kisses along the curve of it.] I wish I would have been here for you...

[But he might have made it worse. his hand tightens slightly because he'd almost killed Ronan.]

[nightmarist]

No. It's better like this. Believe me.

[Not because he thinks Adam would have sped the process along (he absolutely does not) but because it would have been terrifying. Weeks upon weeks spent watching his lover be unmade from the inside out. If the situation was reversed, Ronan would find it unbearable.

He brings Adam's hand to his mouth to kiss it again.]

Sometimes I saw you, anyway. Not dreaming, just... Pieces of us. Pieces of our time together. I couldn't tell if it was stuff we've already done or if it was the future. Maybe it's another life. We were happy together, anyway. They were good things.

[unaffluent]

[Adam's brow furrows again even though he doesn't open his eyes. He doesn't have the energy to argue with Ronan. He doesn't want to. But he couldn't imagine what that would have been like.

What if he had died?]

We were really happy that night, your birthday... [Adam smiles at the memory. Even the next morning it had started hopeful if not resigned to what they needed to do.

Nothing has been quite right sense and now, he's here in this strange world with a Ronan that's lived a different life than he has since that night that changed everything between them.]

I was kind of mad you made me sleep in Declan's room. [Because maybe he wants a lighter subject.]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan smiles, too. The worst is over, he thinks. The next time he dies, it'll probably happen much faster. Hopefully it won't be as ugly. Hopefully Adam still won't have to see it.]

Why were you mad? It's the nicest room in the house.

[He's feigning innocence. He knows perfectly well what Adam was probably hoping for.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam purses his lips and tilts his head to level Ronan with a slightly annoyed look before he's pressing his face back against the curve of his neck.]

I wanted to sleep with you, asshole.

[nightmarist]

A little fast, don't you think?

[Ronan reaches up to trace the line of Adam's jaw with his fingertip.]

[unaffluent]

Mm .. [Adam sighs softly, fingers squeezing gently.]

No. [What else do you expect out of him though he would have been content just sleeping and cuddling in the same bed ]

[nightmarist]

I thought you'd regret even kissing me.

[Actually, maybe this means Adam does regret it.]

[unaffluent]

What? [That seems the most ludicrous thing to Adam. Instead of justifying it any further he shifts to lean up so he can kiss Ronan firmly again,his free hand sliding to back of his head to hold him in place.

His tongue brushes over his lips, tasting him, wanting more. He is still so hungry when it comes to Ronan.]

[nightmarist]

[That's certainly one way to reassure him, though the doubt had disappeared the moment he saw Adam again, and it seems foolish in retrospect. Ronan leans in, giving himself to Adam's kiss, tongue sliding against tongue slow and sweet.]