tdm 14

[hohnkai]

T E S T D R I V E

Survival is the exception "living is an act of courage." THROUGH THE INGRESS The Ingress has pulled you in. Your body experiences several sensations at once: being pushed forward as if a hand is resting on your back, momentary and startling blindness, a gentle ringing in your head. You have difficulty discerning whether it is hot or cold, but where you have been prodded is noticeably warmer than the rest of you. Some may suffer from dizziness while others are perfectly fine. Once equilibrium has been reestablished, you will notice you are standing on a rocky planet. Former crew of the Moira are there to greet you, and it’s a grim message they have to share. The Moira has crashed and is beyond repair, but there’s good news... the destination the crew has been heading towards for over a year? You’re standing on it. But before you get into exploration and survival, it’s best to deal with the effects of coming through a broken Ingress. ☄ slip and trip find your footing fast Coming through the Ingress has left your character with one of three changes - an age slip, a form of body horror, or an extreme weakness. The first, the age slip, will mean that the character is either older or younger and this change can’t be rectified during their first month in game. The second, body horror, comes in the form of an alteration to the character's body due to whatever they were carrying at the time they came through. If they were wearing a watch, it’s now fused to their wrist, clothes are permanent, knifes replace fingers, and many other alterations (anything goes) and it lasts the first month as well. The third, extreme weakness, can be a mental or physical decrease - weaker arms, legs, or the weaker ability to talk or do math. ooc: the choice of change is up to each player and this prompt can be game canon. ☄ introductions aren’t awkward as long as you don’t shake their hand too long A new planet. Physical and mental changes. Talk of a ship that crashed and a Hub that is home to the ‘creators’ of a technology you’ve never heard of. A lot is happening and the best way to sort through it is by getting to know the Moira’s crew. They’ll help you settle in and get you any care you might need, all the while informing you that the group is on its way to the center of the hub. Something that might seem mundane is an absolute necessity for survival. Ask a seasoned space traveling veteran for answers and guidance. ooc: this prompt can be game canon. ☄ dealer's choice just make the right one Characters have the option of coming through an Ingress that is any possible location on this planet. It can be inside a cave, at the top of a rock formation, etc. This means you can have your character have to climb or slide down, have them yelling for help, and have other characters see them and come to their aid. Your character's arrival is completely up to you, and since this is a unique situation that hasn't happened before, go nuts with it! ooc: this prompt can be game canon. OUT OF CHARACTER INFO FAQ | LOCATIONS | RESERVES | APPLICATIONS | NAVIGATION For mature or graphic content, please label. For questions, please direct them to the FAQ. As always, be kind and have fun!

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[unaffluent]

[The kiss makes Adam's heart clench painfully and then swell with the vast array of emotions that he felt. He's scared that he doesn't really understand love and friendship, that he doesn't understand all the things that Ronan already knows well because their lives had been so different. The thoughts were still there even as he kisses him back, more of the ache adding to the earnest way he kisses him back than maybe he wants to show.]

You weren't gone. [He whispers against Ronan's lips, tilting his head and nuzzling his cheek.]

[nightmarist]

[Ronan can feel the pain in that kiss. In that first moment, he assumes it's because they've been apart for ages, and Adam either missed him or...

- Wait. He wasn't gone?]

I didn't disappear? The night of my birthday, I stayed with you?

[Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. He'd thought of it so often, how Adam might have felt when he blinked and found Ronan suddenly gone. If he would think it was the result of some fucked-up magic, or - worse - whether he'd think it was Ronan himself playing some cruel joke. More than anything, he hated the idea that Adam would think he'd been abandoned, when what Ronan wanted more than anything was to make sure Adam never felt like he was alone in the world ever again.

Ronan's hands slide back, thumbs stroking Adam's cheeks as he stays close and basks in Adam's warmth and the feeling of Adam's breath against his skin and life restored and his heart filled and this piece of his soul returned to him.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam's both relieved and distressed when suddenly its clear Ronan isn't the Ronan he had just been with... He didn't know.

But he felt slightly distraught that hes alone with the memories of what happens after that night. He tries to hide it but he can't look Ronan in the eyes or it feels like he'll be able to read his mind.]

You had me sleep in Declan's room. [He'd been a bit irritated about it at the time.]

[nightmarist]

I don't remember that.

[Though it absolutely sounds like what he would do. Ronan draws back just enough to catch Adam's gaze, palms still cradling his face. He's searching Adam's eyes for something. Something he doesn't want to name. He's no mind-reader, it's just that they're of one mind.]

[unaffluent]

Well you did. [He tries to smile but he's still trying to avoid meeting his gaze directly. Adam's still not touching Ronan either. His hands clasping each other and pressed between his thighs as if trapping them.]

But we were okay. [He assures, leaning to kiss him again because it's a bit easier to hide that way.]

[nightmarist]

[It almost works. Ronan's mind goes pleasantly hazy whenever their lips meet, and all he really wants to do is kiss Adam and kiss him again and kiss him again. He could live the moment of their kiss forever.

But something is wrong.

Ronan's hands drop to Adam's shoulders. And then they slip further, over Adam's biceps and down his forearms until they finally come to rest over Adam's own clasped hands.

Ronan isn't an idiot. He knows what it means.]

No.

[Not a statement of disbelief, but an order: No, the demon doesn't have Adam. Cannot. Will not.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam could have gotten lost in that kiss. He could live kissing Ronan for the rest of his life because he was realizing slowly that what he feels is love. That he's been in love for a while but he'd never really known what love felt like before him.

But Ronan knows him. ]

Lynch.. [He sounds pleading but he's not sure why his chest and throat clenching up as the other touched his hands. All he can remember was when he didn't have any control of them. He presses his thighs tighter against his hands because he's scared he suddenly won't be able to control him.

No one is here to pull him off Ronan if it happened again. The memory of doing something so awful to Ronan and not being able to stop have his eyes getting wet and he turns his head away to stare outside the car.]

[nightmarist]

No.

[Did Adam not hear him the first time? Ronan gently but firmly takes hold of Adam's forearms, urging Adam to stop holding back. Even with Adam turning his face away, Ronan presses kisses to his cheek between words:]

I know what it wants. I don't care. It's not you.

[unaffluent]

You don't ... [Its hard to resist Ronan. He swallows hard.]

I can't stop it if it happens. [there's nothing more terrifying him than that loss of control, than violence on Ronan by his own hands against his will.] I almost...

[There's so much he felt the urge to shield Ronan from but this was too fresh and terrifying and how did he know he had control? He turned his head back, looking at Ronan and knowing it all is written in his eyes.]

[nightmarist]

No.

[He will say it as many times as he has to.]

No, you didn't almost anything.

[Ronan stares straight into Adam's eyes, each word he speaks calm and clear. The demon is not Adam. Adam will never be the demon.]

I'm not afraid. Let's get this over with.

[Without force, he draws Adam's arms toward him. It's up to Adam to let go and reach for him, but Ronan is not about to let Adam continue to sit here in misery, dreading some attempted murder that might not ever come to pass.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam didn't have it in himself to argue as he let's Ronan move his arms. Right now, he feels in control but its not like he had had warning before. No matter what Ronan thought -- it had been Adam's hands. He had felt every moment.

He took one of Ronan's hands in his own, lacing their fingers and leaning to kiss him again.

Adam is terrified but he presses closer needing Ronan and god again wondering how Ronan had felt being here... And he has so many questions but they're set aside for now ]

[nightmarist]

[Adam's hands could never hurt him. Ronan doesn't even entertain the idea, though he understands the fear. The demon had spoken to him as it was killing him. He'd heard plenty of terrifying things.

Just as Ronan expected, their fingers intertwine without incident. These hands... He loves these hands. He cherishes them, and the rest of Adam. His free arm drapes over and around Adam's shoulders, pulling Adam against him as they kiss. If the demon's going to kill him, Ronan insists on dying a happy man. He will not be without Adam.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam starts to relax there, leaning on Ronan and soaking up the comfort of his kiss and attention. Everything about him is perfect it almost hurts. It is far too real not believe that somehow this ludicrous circumstance is reality.

He pulls away from the kiss again before tilted his head down burying his face into Ronan's neck.]

Do you think it can... Here... [He presses soft kisses to the side of Ronan's neck]

[nightmarist]

[Because Ronan cannot lie, he can only answer:]

Yes.

[But he holds their clasped hands to his heart and he isn't worried. It would not be difficult for the demon to tear through his ribs and rip the heart right out of him, and he still isn't worried.]

It won't be your fault if it does. All you ever did was make me happy. Make sure you get that through your head, Parrish.

[unaffluent]

[Ronan's honesty is a curse sometimes because just then Adam would have taken a lot of comfort in a lie.]

I couldn't live with myself if my hands... [if he had killed Ronan he really didn't know how he could have gone on. he soaks in the closeness even though the fear is still real.]

You're reckless, Ronan.

[nightmarist]

[As if Adam hadn't been reckless in sacrificing himself to Cabeswater. But he'd made himself a gift to Ronan's dream, and how could Ronan possibly fear or resent him for that? Neither of them had a part in waking the demon. The possession is not Adam's fault. Ronan sighs and brings Adam's hand to his mouth again, kissing the knuckle of each finger. Look at that. It's still not killing him.]

Omnia vincit amor et nos cedamus amori.

[unaffluent]

[Adam stares at Ronan's lips as they meet each knuckle the words wrapping around him just like a warm embrace, saying more than they actually said. He could still remember the sensation of losing control of his hands how one moment they were his, like this, and then the next?

How will he ever be able to trust his own body again?

He tries not to let the ache overwhelm him, not when Ronan's kissing him so reverently.]

Fool, asshole. [He mumbles, drawing his hand down but only so he can lean against Ronan again and press their lips together once more.]

[nightmarist]

[Adam can abuse him as much as he likes. Ronan won't be deterred. He kisses Adam fiercely, reckless and foolish as he pleases. Adam should have known what he was getting into when he allowed himself to be loved by Ronan Lynch. He would walk straight into Hell if it meant being with Adam.

When the kiss breaks, he presses his forehead to Adam's and takes a breath to steel himself before speaking:]

Listen to me: It won't be your fault. I know it won't be, because it already has me.

[It can kill him fast or it can kill him slow, but the inevitability of it means that Adam shouldn't feel responsible. There's really nothing either of them can do if it happens.]

[unaffluent]

[Adam closes his eyes as their foreheads press together and that feels just as intimate as the hungry kisses that had come before. His fingers stroke over the other's cheek, his jaw, avoiding his neck even though that before had been a place he liked to touch. He's too scared to touch it now. His hand drops instead to rest on his chest as he takes in those words.]

How do you still believe in a God that would let something like that happen to someone like you?

[Adam doesn't think that Ronan even knows the worst of God's betrayal.]

[nightmarist]

Why should God protect a thing like me?

[After all, he's not God's creation. It was Niall Lynch who should have stayed alive to protect Ronan, who should have at least taught Ronan how to survive.]

It's always been up to me. Either I'll be strong enough or I won't.

[unaffluent]

[Annoyance surges through Adam at that answer. He pulls away from Ronan and doesn't look at him directly because he'd probably feel the annoyance and anger dissipate too quickly. He drops his hands to his lap as he looks toward the front seat again.]

A thing like you? [Fuck that.]

You don't even realize how hypocritical it is do you? [How does Ronan take all the punishment of his religion and gain the supposed benefits?]

I can't tell if you or your God is the bigger hypocrite.

[nightmarist]

[Adam's angry. Ronan should have been a little less honest. Now he sighs, but he doesn't turn away from Adam, because he can't possibly take his eyes off Adam yet. It might be days before he's ready to look away.]

I don't see what's hypocritical about it.

[unaffluent]

How come you do everything you're supposed to. You pray those stupid prayers, go to church, go to confession and yet he doesn't do anything for you? He expects you to make all these sacrifices and worship him.

[He's not so much angry at Ronan as he is at Ronan's God, or his belief in God, one of the two.]

But then you don't think he should take care of you? That's bullshit.

[nightmarist]

[Ronan doesn't mean to laugh. Adam's anger isn't something to laugh at. But his lips twitch into a smile anyway, because this is such a huge misconception.]

You think I do that stuff for God?

[Shaking his head, Ronan curls around Adam, chin coming to rest on his shoulder.]

It's not some... exchange of favors, Parrish. It's not a fucking trade-off. God doesn't need to hear those prayers. I do. A priest doesn't need to hear my confession. I need to confess. Don't you get it? Worship is for the worshiper. Church is a place to go when you're lost.

[unaffluent]

[Adam lifts his shoulder because normally that laugh would change his mood but he didn't want to let his mood change -- even though Anger was an emotion he was afraid of usually it was protecting him a little just now to hold onto it.]

He's like a horrible parent. You love him and you do all these things because you need him, need it and you're supposed to but... the fucker can't be damned to take care of you. Isn't he supposed to love you or something?

[Because Adam doesn't get it. He doesn't get the devotion to the church when everything in their lives between Ronan's parents and Adam's parents even, seem proof that there is no god that gives a shit. So why do all those empty things. How can you find yourself in something that makes no sense?

He's far too logical for something that's beyond logic like Ronan's faith. Ronan's faith in him was so illogical he shouldn't have tried to qualify his faith in an even bigger being.

Adam can't imagine finding comfort in praying to someone and going some place that wouldn't actually help him. Then again he's always relied on himself instead.]